ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
