the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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