i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Randomize