why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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