yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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