I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
