apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
