I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
