It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
