guys are not supposed to queef...right?
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
