she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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