Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize