I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
why do cheetos always look like penises
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Randomize
