I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
