i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
