Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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