My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
