I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
