forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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