woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
