the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
