Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
