Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
