I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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