she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
This baby is an asshole
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
