It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
