the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
