Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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