I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize