As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
