he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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