woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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