so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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