3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
