i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Even my vagina gasped.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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