i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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