His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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