i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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