you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
