So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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