I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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