Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
