Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
