worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
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