I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
