I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
do herpes really smell.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Randomize
