omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
