Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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