I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
