the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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