I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
