WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
