Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
