thus making me awesome and them whores
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
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