you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
