Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
