also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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