New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
