overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
