Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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