If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
BRING THE BAGELS
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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