talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
