whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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