I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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