Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
