normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize