I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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